So You Want to Be a Ghetto Camper

So you want to be a ghetto camper, do you? Well now you can! Just follow these 3 simple steps and you too can slum it out in some of the most beautiful national parks in the world.

Step 1: Buy a Tent

But don’t go to a store that specializes in outdoor equipment and where the employees are knowledgeable and willing to help.

Go to a store where the employees don’t give a rat’s ass about you and the only nice thing they can say about your prospective tent is “this is the cheapest one we’ve got”.


Step 2: Make Do With What You Have

Buying more camping equipment, only means there’s now more stuff for you to lug around. And who wants to do that?

Instead, just use whatever you’ve already got on you.

Need a sleeping pad?

Don’t bother – use your towel, the floor-mats from your rental car or the beautiful hand-woven carpet you picked up in Jordan.

Need a chair?

Forget about it – sit on a plastic bag.


Need an extra blanket?

Screw that monkey – wear every piece of clothing you have and then wrap yourself up with your mosquito net and the rain-cover for your backpack.

Step 3: Cooking is for Suckas

When some people go camping, they insist on bringing fancy-shmancy cooking equipment, like pots or a stove.

Well, I say those people are suckas – don’t let “the man” tell you how to cook your meal.

In fact, who says you have to actually cook your meal?

Just eat the leftovers from last night’s meal COLD.


“Oh – but I reeeeaaally want a hot meal.”

Well then just stick the can of beans in the fire – when the beans bubble over into the coals, they’re done.


“What if we’re fortunate enough to have a grill to cook meat on? Should we bring BBQ utensils?”

HELL NO!!!

Just use a set of pliers and a pair of chopsticks… easy-peazy.


Well, there you have it - 3 simple ways to be a ghetto camper.

It’s the only way to travel Africa…

… unless of course you want to do your research ahead of time and come prepared.