The Monkey on My Back

Previously I wrote about travelling with the expectation that plans will change against our will. And when I wrote this, I had in mind bureaucracy & red tape, bad weather & other acts of “god” and just plain dumb-f***ing-luck.

But on Pulau Tioman we encountered a change of plans neither of us anticipated.

Because of our success with the hike to Juara on Day 11, and after doing very little on Day 12, on Day 13, we decide to do another hike. After all, we can’t leave Pulau Tioman without visiting the northern tip as well. So off we go on another hike through the jungle.

Our destination? The village of Salang.

When we began, we both hoped this hike wouldn’t be as strenuous as the hike to Juara. But after about 10 minutes of walking uphill, we realize it’s worse.

Much worse.

The hike to Juara, though rugged, is at least well maintained. At points there are concrete steps built into the more vertical parts of the trail and the last 3kms are along a roadway complete with signs and directions.

The hike to Salang is the exact opposite.

There’s no map and save for a couple of randomly placed arrows, no directions. There are quite literally bridges in the middle of nowhere, that lead to absolutely nothing. Sometimes the trail will just stop for no reason and you must search around for where it starts back up again. And the closest thing you’ll find to a concrete step is a well-placed rock.

Early on, Robyn trips over a root, falls down and scrapes up her leg. I make a wisecrack about watching where she’s going and then immediately crack my skull on a low-hanging branch, so hard that I actually feel my spine jiggle.

Lousy poetic justice.

But we’re both two determined individuals (aka. stubborn), so we keep moving along the trail, basking in the complete lack of snow.

And besides, there are licensed restaurants along the beach in Salang and it’s only right of us to try and spread our tourist dollars throughout the whole community.

So after an hour of intense hiking, both uphill and down, past the Panuba Resort, past Monkey Beach and past Monkey Bay, we figure we’re about 15 minutes away from Salang.

And just as we crest the peak of the last big hill/small mountain and prepare to descend to the finish line/beer fridge, we see them.

Monkeys.

Now we’ve encountered monkeys on our trip a couple of times already, and have never had any problems. They’re just like pretty much any other wild animal – more afraid of us than we are of them. As we would approach them, they’d take off into the bushes and we’d continue on our way. So we figure, why should this time be any different? After all, there’re only three of them.

I take the lead and slowly walk towards the monkeys. Sure enough, two of them start to head into the bushes, just as we planned.

But the third monkey had his own plan in mind.

And that was to not let us pass. Period.

He starts growling and jumping up and down on a tree-branch. The other two monkeys hear this and they suddenly get their courage back and join their friend, jumping up and down, screeching and growling, making it very clear we’re not welcome.

And we stop in our tracks, not quite sure what’s going to happen.

Suddenly the lead monkey feigns a charge at us and I look at Robyn and say “go.”

Now when I said “go”, what I meant was “go calmly - go slowly.”

But maybe my attempt at remaining calm wasn’t very convincing and what Robyn heard was “GO NOW! FAST!!! RUN!!!”

Which she does.

So I yell “be careful” because she’s now running downhill and I don’t want her to fall again.

But then I think maybe she knows something about monkeys that I don’t, so I panic and run after her.

Which gets the monkeys more excited, and they start screeching even louder and run after us.

At this point, Robyn hears the screeching get louder and she thinks the monkeys have actually attacked me, so she quickly stops.

I want to avoid running into her, so I slam on the brakes and I stop.

And the monkeys see that we’ve stopped, so they stop.

Yeah, it’s true. They see and they do.

And now we’re at this strange little stalemate.

Everybody is looking at each other, not quite sure what to do. Do we take our opposable thumbs and use them to open a can of whoop-ass on the monkeys? Or do we show them that we truly are the evolved primate and go home peacefully, on our own free will?

We’re hot and we’re tired. Since we had planned on having lunch in Salang, we have no food and we’re almost out of water. In the end, we decided it was better to paraphrase Han Solo and “let the monkeys win.”

So we turn around and start our long walk back home... past Monkey Bay... past Monkey Beach...

Monkey Beach and Monkey Bay? Hmm...

I guess we should have seen this as foreshadowing.